Random Rants For A Summer’s Day

When John Roberts says that the ruling for gay marriage has “nothing to do with the Constitution,” does that mean he’s actually never read the 14th Amendment’s discussion of equal protection under the law?

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I’m beginning to wonder if Safeway actually doesn’t want me to push a cart down its aisles. Otherwise, why would it fill them with displays that only get in the way?

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I’ve lived in the San Francisco Bay Area my whole life, but I still get confused trying to place Fairfax and Fairfield; San Lorenzo and San Leandro; and Pleasant Hill and Pleasanton. I imagine the people in Seattle have the same problem with place names like Duwamish, Snohomish, Swinomish, and Sammamish, while the people in Boston have to deal with Dedham, Needham, Stoneham, Waltham, Bellingham, and Framingham.

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It’s too late for me, but I’ve finally realized that one reason to have kids to have someone to get the holiday decorations down from the attic.

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Have you ever noticed that if you wait until you all your voice mails before you start returning calls, most of the problems will have already been resolved?

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I wish that resilient little hair follicle on the side of my nose would find its way back to the top of my head.

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There’s a great line in For The Boys when Bette Midler, playing a woman in her 90s, says something crass to Arye Gross and he replies, “I can’t wait to be old so I can talk to people like that.” I’m getting there. When I hold an unacknowledged door open for people, I’ve started to say, “You’re welcome.”

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It makes me sad to realize that I will never write anything as funny as Dave Barry’s “A Journey Into My Colon,” in which he writes that MoviPrep makes you eliminate food that you haven’t even eaten yet: “We must never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s enemies.”

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I’m waiting for the day that LinkedIn realizes I don’t want to be connected with everybody.

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Everyone says you can’t retire until you know what you’re going to do with all your free time, to which I say, “Oh, I think I can.”

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If people can scream at the top of their lungs, does that mean they can whisper at the bottom of their lungs? And if so, why don’t they?

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Do I really want to figure out how to get Netflix streaming, or does that way lie madness?

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Wouldn’t it be simpler to just announce who isn’t running for the Republican presidential nomination in 2016?

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Everybody who doesn’t think last week was one of the coolest weeks in the history of America can say whatever they want about it, as long as they do it at the bottom of their lungs.

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About middleagecranky

The Middle-Age Cranky blog is written by baby boomer Howard Baldwin, who finds the world, while occasionally wondrous, increasingly aggravating.
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3 Responses to Random Rants For A Summer’s Day

  1. Markus B. says:

    60 Minutes should offer you the former job of Andy Rooney.

  2. amy lipton says:

    just fyi, i love your rants!

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