A Memo To The Idiots Among Us

My new favorite saying is never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. The problem is, so much in this world can be explained by stupidity, because we seem to breed idiots faster than we can either educate them or get them out of the gene pool. As a public service, I’ve endeavored to first categorize them, and then advise them. Feel free to distribute this as necessary.

To the idiots who drive among us:

Signaling when you’re already halfway into my lane really doesn’t count.

The fast lane is called the fast lane for a reason. If you don’t want to drive fast, don’t drive in it.

Your car is not as wide as you think it is. You really can go around that car waiting at the red light to make a right turn. I would show you how to do it if you weren’t blocking my way.

If you miss your turn because you’re in the wrong lane, proceed forward and make a U-turn later. Don’t try to bull your way across multiple lanes in front of the people who actually know where they’re going.

To the idiots who smoke among us:

I have multiple troubles with the concept of smoking. First, it’s expensive. Second, it’s medically ill-advised. Third, it makes your clothes smell. Fourth, it pollutes the air. Where does the part that it makes you look cool come in?

Just as your right to swing your arm ends at the tip of my nose, so too does your right to smoke. Find a factory spewing chemical waste into the air and smoke there, where you won’t be noticed.

To the idiots who enact laws among us:

Stop enacting laws that you have no way of enforcing.

Start thinking about how your laws’ unintended consequences. Ever since our city council banned plastic bags and started charging for paper bags, the local charity is chronically short of bags they fill with food for the needy.

Those of you in Congress: Your job is to make the United States work more efficiently, not less efficiently. The United States is a commonwealth, and a commonwealth is a political community founded for the common good. Stop doing more for the third syllable in the word than you do for the first two.

To the idiots who vote among us:

If you vote Republican, you are voting for people who favor corporations over people. If you like favoring corporations because they supposedly create jobs, take a look at how much cash they’re sitting on rather than creating jobs, and then read the first sentence of this paragraph again.

If you vote Republican in a presidential election, you are increasing the chance that the winner will appoint more right-leaning justices on the Supreme Court. These are people who also favor corporations over people, only the effect of their votes will long outlive yours.

If you vote Democratic, on the other hand, you are voting for people who favor government over people. This works fine, except when the government does things like ignoring our First Amendment protections; replacing seismically unsafe bridges with newer, but still seismically unsafe, bridges; and generally doesn’t even come close to the effectiveness that government advocates insist it’s capable of. Sigh.

Sometimes I think we elect them out of stupidity and they in turn govern us with malice – except that would be giving them too much credit.


About middleagecranky

The Middle-Age Cranky blog is written by baby boomer Howard Baldwin, who finds the world, while occasionally wondrous, increasingly aggravating.
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6 Responses to A Memo To The Idiots Among Us

  1. Sondra says:

    Withering in all the right places!

  2. Jean says:

    Might I add a note to the idiots who drive? If I’m backing out of a parking spot, you can see me. If there is an SUV parked next to me, I can’t see you. Don’t come barreling past me honking because you think I shouldn’t be backing out when a car is coming.

  3. Starcoal2000@aol.com says:

    I see you were talking about obama

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