But as weeks went by without inspiration, the pressure increased. I haven’t posted recently, so this better be really funny. But no matter what I tried, nothing ever seemed really funny.
I tried to write about the onslaught of winter, but it’s kind of hard to do that when, here in California, it’s more of an offslaught of winter. While the Midwest and East are drowning in snow, we’re all driving around with the top down in sincere emulation of Australia.
It’s also hard to spin an entire diatribe against that sin against nature: blue, green, and orange Peeps. Peeps are yellow, period. And while we’re on the subject of inappropriate color, why would you want your Porsche to be the same color as a school bus, anyway?
I thought about other topics. Twice in one week, I had public relations people pitch me on interviewing chief information officers about products they used. Generally I welcome these stories, but both times it became quickly apparent that the vendors and the CIO’s companies were actually partners, facts that neither PR person felt it pertinent to reveal. I wanted to send them gifts of dictionaries with the words disclosure, transparency, and conflict of interest highlighted. But I realized that educating people about ethics is like that old joke variously attributed to Mark Twain or Robert Heinlein about teaching a pig to sing: “It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
I didn’t write about that because it struck me as being too “inside baseball” – that is, the whining of a journalist at a time when most people would be consider journalists to be scum if it weren’t an insult to the scum. Not sure where public relations people fall on that spectrum.
For the same reason, I chose not to whine about people who use the phrase on-premise technology when they mean on-premises technology. I suspect that a wide swath of my readers do not care about alternatives to cloud computing, nor do they know or even care what cloud computing is.
There continues to be the rich topic of my father’s declining mental facilities. His latest slip into the netherworld involves thinking he’s on a cruise ship (which is actually not a bad fantasy to be caught up in), but he had no answer for me when I asked if he’d noticed that the scenery outside his window never changed. He continues to ask why he only has $27 in his wallet, but since all of his needs are provided for, that’s really all that’s necessary.
But while I’m still trying to get my head around the idea that – after successfully remaining without children my whole life – I now have a 94-year-old toddler to deal with, I also don’t want like making fun of the poor guy. Not while I’m walking into rooms myself and wondering what the hell I intended to do there.
So there you have the flaw in my thinking. Even halfway between April Fools Day – when we make fun of others – and April 15th – when the government makes fools of us – I am surrounded by folly but not merriment.