Sometimes I have to cycle through a lot of ideas before I come up with the subject of each week’s blog. Sometimes a topic presents itself with startling clarity, but that’s becoming increasingly rare. And it’s not necessarily that the topic isn’t interesting – it’s just that I can’t sustain it for 500 words, much less 500 potentially witty ones.
For instance, there’s been a lot happening this month, but my depth of feeling about them is regrettably shallow. For instance:
The passing of Elizabeth Taylor. By the time I was old enough to pay attention to Elizabeth Taylor, she was a caricature. My first impression of her was the episode of Here’s Lucy where one of her diamond rings gets stuck on Lucy’s finger, and the substandard movies she did after that (post-Virginia Woolf) didn’t help that reputation.
CNN firing Glenn Beck. The fact that a fatuous loudmouth like Glenn Beck even has a small following makes me think that there are really two Americas. One of them has this wholly bifurcated view in which we are completely isolationist, but that the Department of Defense’s budget should remain sacrosanct. The other one has a similarly bifurcated view in which we are flawed but still have the potential for greatness if only we would just reduce the Department of Defense’s budget.
Taxes. What moron scheduled the deadline for California property tax payments five days before the deadline for federal income tax payments? And why is the next federal deadline two months later?
Spring rains. We were in San Diego earlier this month, a city that only receives ten inches of rain per year. Apparently this year’s ten inches all fell while we were there, but the Convention and Visitors Bureau does not reimburse expenses when that happens.
My neurological issues. At various times this month, I misdialed the telephone number my sister has had for ten years, mistakenly turned down the street we haven’t lived on for seven years, and – on two separate occasions – left groceries in the car overnight. When does one make the transition from being absent-minded to being senile?
Cognitive dissonance. While we were in San Diego, during one of the times when it was not raining, we went to see the San Francisco Giants play the San Diego Padres. It was the first time I had ever seen my home team playing an away game. It was a strange sensation, like going to Australia and seeing cars with familiar names but unfamiliar designs. Or maybe it was just a neurological issue.
The second anniversary of Middle Age Cranky. This blog celebrated its second anniversary last week. The traditional gift for a second anniversary is cotton, especially as it relates to placemats, tablecloths, and linens. This is no more appropriate than the traditional gift for a one-year anniversary, which is paper, a spectacularly useless gift for something that only exists in cyberspace.
Hair growing in the wrong places. I know this is a big adjustment for middle-aged people (both men and women), but it’s a fine old whine. It’s actually not so much the wrong places – a few swipes of the razor keeps the ears from looking Neanderthal – as much as it is the wrong color: what are these white things popping out so prominently in my eyebrows?
I am reasonably sure that by next week, I will have found something that I can be profound or witty about – maybe not for 500 whole words, but at least a couple of paragraphs.